Push It Good

So, I figured I would fill those of you in that have never given birth before and those of you that have a nice reminder of everything. First, on Friday morning I woke up with what seemed to be a case of the cramps, it had been so long since I have had cramps that I forgot how bad it hurt. But nevertheless I went on that morning as usual. A few hours later my so called "cramps" came back, these "cramps" came back about every 8 minutes apart. It seems that around 10 am I had begun to get some contractions. Around noon I went to my Doctors office expecting her to tell me that from there I would be able to go to the hospital- nope, she sent me home and told me it would be several hours before I needed to go to the hospital. So we came back home and the contractions came even harder. This had to have been the worst pain in my life, way worse than kidney stones and even worse than the pain I felt when 90210 was cancelled. All I could think about was that I was going to pass something pretty big down below that night and it was freaking me out! Anyway, back to my hellish contractions. So I lay curled up in a ball with contractions coming and going about 4 minute apart now and strong as hell; this baby was ready to come out! And remember this whole time my dad and Jason are downstairs while my mom is trying to calm me down. So around 3pm we leave for the hospital which is normally a 25 minute drive-not today! So we get in the car and as we are about to get on the freeway we see that the freeway is a parking lot, probably b/c it was 3 in the afternoon at the start of Memorial weekend and everyone was heading to the Cape, so basically we were screwed. Keep in mind my father was sitting in the front seat with Jason while my mom had me stretched out in the back seat and about this time the contractions were coming every 3 minutes apart. For those of you that know my father, you can imagine how calm and relaxed he was at this point as we sit on a back road somewhere while I lay screaming my head off. So my husband decides to take the back roads from our town to downtown Boston, oh yeah- did I happen to mention that the red sox were also playing the same night! For those of you that don't know- the whole city shuts down to watch the freaking game and the stadium just happens to be literally right next door to the hospital. So here I am, contractions about 2-3 minutes apart and we are taking the back roads of Massachusetts to get to the hospital and the whole way there my dad is questioning Jason's driving-a very fun car ride to the hospital. So by the time we finally did arrive at the hospital- one hour later- my contractions were 2 minutes apart, and then they have you sit while you are contracting at 2 minutes apart to fill out paperwork! So this whole time I am experiencing the worst pain I have ever felt in my life and I was going to deliver a baby about 3 hours later. At 5pm, I got the epidural and it made my whole life wonderful again. For those of you that have never been pregnant and are thinking about an epidural, you would be crazy not to take it! Once I got those drugs in me, I was a whole new woman. So then around 7pm, I felt this pressure on my rectum, yep my bum, and then the nurse said yep you are ready to push out this baby. There is no nice way to put it, but once you get that rectal pressure and go from labor to delivery it feels like you are trying to push out the biggest shit you have ever had to take in your life ( and remember my shit felt like 8 lbs. 9 ounces)! And to top it off you have like 6 people in there staring at you down below, to see your ass and everything exposed as you push your little heart away to try and get that baby out, which the whole time feels like you are pushing out a HUGE poop! Lucky for me, delivery only lasted 45 minutes which is considered prety short. So when it was all said and done you may ask- was it worth it? OF COURSE, IT WAS THE SINGLE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE (above is the picture of Griffin after he was born) AND I WOULD DO IT ONE MILLION TIMES OVER.